Stapled to the mattress
by savorie
Summary: Mikami is just a brilliant and handsome law student when L sees him in the library. Two days after the detective takes an interest in the young man, something awful happens.Teru becomes the victim of a violent and dangerous society.Is L going to save him?
1. AN

New story- STAPLED TO THE MATTRESS

Disclaimer- Death Note belongs to their rightful owners Ohba & Obata. I do not make any profit out of this. I write because it is fun.

The idea- Today I was having a chat with my roommate who is going to major in sociology and wants to become a social worker. However, from a sweet and interesting discussion, things shifted to other matters. This seems to happen a lot to me these days. Controversial subjects. And today`s piece of cake( or rather can of worms) was rape. Yes. Rape.

Horrible, right? Very much so.

Well… our debate involved a certain aspect of it. The psychological issues of the victim.

And somehow I felt really drained and the only purposeful outlet for my frustration became writing, which is totally inoffensive as an act, but as you all know… the pen is mightier than the sword… or whatever.

I am well aware of the fact that this pairing is quite rare- I could say missing, but then I would make such an awful error! I like rare pairings and unusual ones. It makes me think further and as Death Note is one of the few anime I really liked, I settled to write about it.

Nowadays I rarely watch any anime. I`m sorry, but I`m falling behind. I just didn`t find one that to be smart enough, or artsy enough, or not so stereotypical.

If you read this note and feel the need to contradict me, go ahead and review my work. Recommend some good stuff, because I don`t have time to look for it myself (or I`m rather lazy).

Oh, but enough of this!

This is L x Mikami Teru! Yes, Mikami, as in the guy that kept shouting DELETE as he wrote in the notebook of death.

Mikami to me is one of the most underrated and bashed characters out there. Besides Misa ( why does almost everybody think of her as having lower intelligence?) He`s great! (Misa`s ok, I guess). Can`t you see? I`m too lazy to explain myself.

But I will say it. Teru Mikami was Ohba`a second favorite character, the first being L, of course. Mikami's appearance was based on Taro Kagami- the main character from the pilot. Ok, now let me quote from that wiki page -

"_Ohba created Mikami's backstory in order to establish Mikami and Light as "equals" and that Mikami is "special in some way."… Ohba wanted to have Mikami be both smart and dangerous, and have a hatred for societal evil, which he transferred into Mikami's role as a prosecutor. He wanted it to be clear that Mikami was evil, but, at the same time, he did not want to focus on the aspects of right and wrong. Ohba's second favorite human character in the series was Mikami as Ohba believed that Mikami was the second "strongest" character in the series "besides Light."_

Did I convince you?

So, returning to the matter at hand, I really think this pairing should have a brilliant future. I mean… the usual L x Light is so overrated.

I`m so much into angst that I forgot how to write fun stuff. I try to instill optimism and a possible happy ending but the rest of my stories are rather… bleak.

Yes, I adore angst! And I`m a big sap. And I did cry a few times. Of course, no one did see me.

I enjoy humorous fiction a lot. But I`m always coming back for some more angst and hurt/comfort. how lame is that?

And… about my writing habits… yes… something has to hit me really hard to make me write. I am always inspired. But very lazy. I only write after I do a lot of thinking.

Today`s creation is an exception, though. I started writing as soon as I got the idea. Pretty reckless of me. So I don`t know the ending yet. It`s open and full of possibilities. I have a few chapters ahead, but I`m too shy to post them now. he hee!

Ok, so please take action and review and bless me with your opinions.

Or don`t.

but please do!

(lol)

I want a beta reader. But someone has to take an interest! I wished English was my first language, but it`s not… so… I usually get stuff wrong. And typos. I hate typos. They are so frequent.

Ugh… I should go to sleep.

And don`t forget! I need to know… really need to know if you guys like this or …not.


	2. Prologue

_**Disclaimer and explanations can be found in the author`s note.**_

_**...**_

_**Stapled to the mattress**_

**Prologue**

_It's over you're sober -pants around your ankles_  
_You're ship wrecked - You've gone mute_  
_Nothing there to say_  
_You're naked and shaking like a two bit Judas_  
_You fall down closefisted and end up in my way_

_You're the people who just want me to notice_  
_You're the people I try so hard to ignore_  
_You're the coward who demands me to save him_  
_You will smother - under covers- stapled to the mattress._

(fragment from Scarling`s song)  
...

_**Journal entry- April 4th**_

_**Last night I couldn`t get a wink of sleep. **_

_**It happens again. That void. Everything is painted in darkness. No... It`s better if I say it. I didn`t want to sleep. I went to bed at 5 am. And then I realized that my body won`t restart its proper functions unless it gets the necessary 8 hours of sleep.**_

_**Shut down. **__**I just fell asleep.**_

_**I fell.**_

_**What did I do last night?**_

_**Oh… I remember.**_

_**I`m not proud of it.**_

_**But the stains of lack of sleep will be buried on my body for a week or so.**_

_**And the stains don`t leave that easily. Why?**_

_**My eyes hurt like hell and my head spins.**_

_**Vertigo, again.**_

_**I can`t remember the details. This is bad. I want to eat, but I just can`t. it doesn`t ant to stay in my stomach. At all.**_

_**I have to study for the incoming exams and what did I do instead? **_

_**I don`t want to ruin it all…**_

_**I can`t anymore**_

_**.**_

Mikami Teru got up from his desk in the library and started searching through his bag for some books. When he found what he needed, he placed the black thick journal in his bag and secured it. He then went to the librarian`s office.

He was looking gaunt and sleep deprived. His hair stuck out at odd angles and his tie was awkwardly placed. The shirt looked as if crumpled on his skinny frame.

He looked spent.

.

It seemed the list didn`t stop there. There were so many books he had to consult. Even for a 3rd year student like him, it felt difficult and draining.

When he returned he had a thick pile of reference law books under his shoulder and a grim expression on his face. After his eyes seemed to inspect every shelf, he stopped by a particular one and his thin hand traced the spine of a very thick tome. He picked it up and placed it over the pile he already had.

It seemed that some things didn`t work good for the tall, dark haired young man. He was a 21 in his last year. An exceptional student, but one that never let out much about himself. He became more and more secretive in the last few weeks. A total recluse. A thing was certain though, Mikami Teru was attached to his routine like sunflowers to the sunlight. His present appearence brought to the surface the horrid image of a plant shut from the light, thrown into a dark basement and forgotten.

.

At the same hour of the day he would be in the library writing in his journal and reading. Two hours later he would be on the track field, running. An hour later at the showers. Two more hours later in class, attending lectures.

At night he would go home taking the same subway route. And at midnight he would be sleeping in his bed.

.

But that day, Mikami Teru was breaking his routine, it seemed. He took longer in the library.

He was staring between the pages of this very thick book, perplexed. There was a certain thing that bothered him at that moment. Used as a bookmark, right in front of the chapter named _Victimisation and behavioural traits of assault victims,_ was placed a card.

Mikami Teru stared in shock.

It was the 4th of hearts.

Love. Support. Security.

What other meaning?

_Strong heart connection._

It made him feel sick. Sick to his stomach and to his heart.

He didn`t believe in such things. This was not a coincidence. He could at least connect the dots. He wished he were less intelligent and not notice it. Hee just wished his heart would burn, just like that picture of himself that had imprinted itself into his neo-cortex.

The feeling of shame pervaded him again as his eyes scanned the page.

Some words caught his attention.

_Nightmares__. __Grief, disorientation, denial. Increased need to control everyday experiences. Emotional numbing or restricted range of feelings. Minimizing the experience_.

The last words were smudged with something that briefly reminded him of chocolate stains, as if someone ate, no... Munched messily just above the said page. It confused him, but he was smart enough to understand that highlight in there. _Minimizing the experience_.

Yes... That`s what he`s been doing.

_Since forever._

His face was buried between the pages of the ancient volume, his body was hunched and overall he exuded a feeling of wrongness. And then… Mikami Teru fell asleep.

* * *

this is the prologue! please review and tell me what you think, because it highly motivates me!

Yes, I did a little research. the 4 of hearts is the card for love and support, also the card ruling L`s birth date, the 31st of October. you will get the meaning.

so, tell me, do not shy away!


	3. Contact

**Stapled to the mattress**

**Chapter 1- ****Contact**

_...A few weeks before_

_..._

It was the time at which the library should have been void of any student. Everyone had classes. Today, was an exception. As L`s eyes roamed over the rows of books, he couldn`t help but notice the young man, seemingly sleeping at his little desk, face plastered on a large jurisprudence tome, drooling directly on the yellowish pages.

It was quite a sight. However L`s interest peaked even more than a month ago when he noticed the boy, no… the man for the first time.

It was quite an uneventful morning as he ventured next to Watari on the premises of To-oh University. His plan was to enter the University in order to get closer to Light Yagami, the person he suspected of being Kira. As he weighed the possibilities, L decided that it would best if he risked and approached the teenager directly. To face confrontation and not giving him leeway. The case was already grating on his nerves, sizzling his neurons and making him excitable. The hunt has begun. At least this is how L was feeling. He had to make a few preparations until then. He followed every aspect of Light`s life and understood pretty much of it. It was essential that he met him. So now, he needed to make sure his plan would function. He was to take the entrance admission test and get the same score as Light- the maximum. Having watched Light on camera, he knew that he was an ambitious and full of imitative person who would settle for nothing less.

Typical of someone whom he suspected 80% of being Kira.

.

Today though, L was making arrangements. Or rather Watari made arrangement for him. He was to stay away from the eyes of the world and settle into To-Oh`s law section library, who was to be kept closed for a few hours, as L would check in to his new surroundings and would reacquaint himself with the rigors of the Japanese law system.

As he chose a recluse place, especially created by Watari for him, a room behind a two-way mirror, obstructed by stretches of bookshelves, L began his lecture, all the while nibbling on his finger in deep thought.

But, to his surprise, someone was about to enter the library. L grew more alert and froze. Risking being seen would blow his cover. There, far away from him, stood a young man, probably a student. Surprisingly, he had a key to the library and often used it, because habits betrayed him.

He eyed him suspiciously for awhile and when he got a better look at him, his heart stopped for a second.

It struck him. He was tall, pale and had black raven locks that reached past his shoulder. He wore a green shirt, ironed to perfection and form fitting black slacks. His black framed glasses obstructed a bit too much of the younger man`s face for L to discern his features. His movements were practical and calculated as he placed his messenger bag on a chair next to him and took out a black notebook and as soon as he sat down, he began writing fervently in it. Very neat and organized it seemed. Although L noticed something peculiar as well. The way he held himself, dignified and correct. He was a special person, nonetheless, but had some traits that made him stand out from normality. He was looking every bit normal, but held something that turned inside L`s mind and made him stare closely at the man instead of continuing his incognito lecture.

The young man`s countenance was composed and calm. He had the strangest confidence plastered to his features, although he didn`t hold himself arrogant. After finishing his writing, he stuck the black thing into his bag and then started heading towards the shelves, the same that L checked upon when he first came in. He looked disappointed because he seemingly didn`t find what he was looking for, but then, his face lit up when he spotted something. He smiled to himself and took the book, heading back to his seat.

He looked pleased and methodical in his endeavours. He seemed to enjoy reading. L was multitasking as he kept an eye on him just to make sure he wasn't going to be noticed. Two hours later, the man was out in the same way as he entered, locking the door with the key he was given. L had one of his own, given by Watari through To-Oh`s dean who accepted to cooperate with his plan. As he stretched his body and got out of the uncomfortable position, L started digging into the sweets he restricted himself from having because he might have made himself visible to the stranger.

Twenty something minutes after he finished the cupcakes he asked Watari to provide him with, L started pacing the library as in his mind he went again and again through the options and possibilities involving the Kira case.

Just as he approached the window, he noticed something familiar. The man from before was there, running on the track field, sweating with exertion and keeping up with a very tough routine, it seemed. He couldn`t stop watching. He`d noticed the same strict determination in Light as well. The same order of priorities, the same cult for order. But this one was different. He could see the well-formed muscles of his chest moving and tensing behind the thin tank top he was wearing. As the man was heading with his running closer and closer to L`s view, his face became more and more visible to the detective. Now, unobstructed by the long dark hair and the thick framed glasses, he could see a very handsome man on the surface. To his surprise, he got to analyse him in depth as the man`s sports bag was left on a stand that happened to be placed right under this wing of the library, straight under the window. His features were beautiful, a bit effeminate and soft. He definitely looked like another person without the square, rough glasses. They made him look serious and conservative, but now, with his hair damp and glued to his neck and cheeks, wet in his loose and thin clothing and extremely flushed and panting he looked very… attractive. L`s stomach lurched at the thought and his interest shifted entirely from the Kira case.

This was… very appealing. Very interesting. Very promising. He was quite the entertainer for L as he took off his damp shirt and started rubbing at himself with a towel. L`s eyes widened even more if that was possible. He already felt hot himself as the young man started gathering his hair in a low ponytail and then dry off the sweat.

L was pretty much himself acquainted with such sports routine, having experienced life in Whammy`s dorm and the common showers. However, as the man below was now gulping down water from a bottle, the sense of arousal increased just as he poured the rest of the bottle`s content on his flushed cheeks and chest.

L was now practically narrowing his eyes as he was clear that he became pretty much affected by the sight. He closed them for a bit to calm his unusually giddy body, just to open them a few minutes and stare directly into the young man`s eyes. Eye contact. The student noticed him and was staring in wonder at him from the bench. As L didn`t avert his eyes and continued looking straight at him shamelessly, the young man`s eyes widened and he quickly averted them, feeling a bit exposed. L could see him flushing to a very deep peony red and looking flustered. His actions were a bit hurried, yet they maintained a sense of faked calmness as he dried himself off with the towel and pulled speedily another t-shirt and a hoodie from the bag. He dressed himself quickly and just as he propped the bag on his shoulder he threw one last, masked look towards the window.

Their eyes locked again, as L didn`t bother to move, a bit angry at himself for such a reckless exposure from his part. However, this could very well transform in a chance, as an idea struck him. He could not let anyone who has seen his face get away just like that, so into his mind developed a new plan, one that involved keeping the young raven into his sight.

The young man was as expected the first to break off the eye contact as he seemingly spotted something on the ground. Litter. A few empty cans of soda lied askew on the perfectly cut grass and he bent down to gather them. Without further notice, he headed straight to the nearby bin and placed them in their rightful recycling container, before leaving.

He likes order a bit too much, L thought as his finger went deeper into his mouth. But before averting his gaze from the young man`s diminishing form, he was quite surprised when he`d seen him turn and look at him.

Blood oozed as L`s teeth sunk a bit too much and tore at the skin. He barely paid attention as he took in as much as the other had to offer before leaving again.

tbc...


	4. Interest

Disclaimer in aouthor`s note~

**Chapter 2**

**Interest**

Mikami Teru was convinced that the man was looking at him, hawk like. He never got such attention before and didn`t know what to make of it. At first, it startled him. He didn`t notice anyone in the library and was sure that the director`s order`s were clear. He himself had a spare key because being number one of his generation; he was allowed little exceptions, such as walking on the grass and taking shortcuts in the large campus, having a key to the library so he could study whenever and a few discounts at what merchandise the faculty had to sell. It was comfortable but Teru was quite a modest person and he usually limited himself to just using the library which was essential.

His routine went well, except for the fact that the man was watching him. He looked foreign and strange. Strange in a very appealing way. His eyes especially… they were very perceiving, intelligent looking. Maybe he was a new prodigy? How else was he to enter the dean`s private library? Well… that was all right with him. He could care less but wished him luck anyway.

.

The next day, Teru, dressed in a blue and as usual, perfectly ironed shirt, entered the private library before he unlocked the door. He took his usual seat and wrote in the same black journal. He headed to the same shelf and his smile intensified as he found what he was searching for the other day.

He was the only one to consult the book, but somehow yesterday this was missing. Maybe it was linked to the stranger from the window.

Maybe… Teru postponed the thought for later as he went back to his desk and opened the book. To his surprise, at certain pages were placed candy wrappers. Candy wrappers. They were folded in what looked like a very original origami. Some strange creatures were popping out of the book all of a sudden, as he kept looking through the pages. Page 325 a dragon made out of a Belgian praline wrapper, page 365 a swan made out of sparkling yellow lemon drops wrapper, page 411 a frog- strawberry and cream candy, page 620 another frog made out of a caramel wrapper. They were so many that Teru became tired of just counting them when he reached page 1024. There was a dove made out of a silvery wrapper. Again… he sighed when he finished, but he was still curious, however, they were quite annoying. He would never treat a book like that, and besides, they filled the book`s already excessive pages already lacking in the department of aesthetics, a thing which simply drove him mad. He could not even concentrate to read, because just as he was searching through the book, the pages would suddenly open right at those bulging origami.

Then, Mikami had an idea. They were certainly used as bookmarks by that person, whoever they might be, and the thought of that stranger from yesterday flooded his mind again. He was pulling out a piece of paper and writing meticulously the number of the page where he found the origami wrappers. He even mentioned in equally aligned black pen writing the name of the chapter or of the reference and even the form of the origami. Page 620, gathering of evidence, chapter XXIX, caramel frog. That should teach whoever placed the bookmarks a lesson.

Not before long, Teru was more than involved in finishing another chapter and prepared to leave, but before he could do so, he gathered all the origami bookmarks into an improvised envelope made skilfully out of another white notebook paper, along with his own references, and placed them neatly inside the book before placing it in his rightful place.

As expected from L`s part, Mikami continued with his routine. This time, he concentrated on the running, as he couldn`t notice anyone lurking suspiciously near the library`s windows.

.

L watched Mikami`s library routine with interest. He demanded that he should use the cabinet obstructed by the two way mirror. He didn`t want to make any contact as long as it wasn`t necessary, but as soon as the young man left, he went straight to check upon the book he had been working at.

As expected, a rather thick improvised envelope stuck out of it. It was full of the origami he took great pleasure in creating while thinking another route for the Kira investigation.

Watari was out on business as usual. And until 5 o`clock, L was free to inspect the references in the private library. Except for those two hours when the young man came and had his reading time. He could at least expect that.

Just then he noticed the folded note that the man has written for him.

It amused him when he stumbled upon page 996- Technical expertise in homicide- black chocolate unknown animal. And then, his eyes widened again as he noticed the personal note written by the student in very beautiful handwriting, neat and straight, in black ink.

_Please, use the reference note I made for you. It`s bothersome to read while the pages flip to those funny bookmarks. _

_And do refrain from eating while reading. Page 987 is stained with chocolate fingerprints. That`s unsanitary._

_I wish you the best with your studies,_

_Mikami Teru, 3rd year, class A, Law and Criminology major, Tokyo University_

As L finished reading, a single thought escaped his mind and perched upon his lips.

Interesting… Mikami Teru…

He proved again L`s deduction. Yesterday, Mikami was looking for this book. As he couldn`t find it, he settled to read from it when available. He made those bookmarks on purpose. They were quite_ a distraction._ His assumptions proved conclusive as expected. Teru Mikami was indeed a top student here, in his last year of schooling, probably the beneficiary of a merit scholarship. And besides everything, he was going to major in Law and Criminology, his own field of study.

But… as he pieced Teru`s psychological portrait, L couldn`t stop but add obsessive-compulsive traits to the list. Mikami Teru, was indeed worthy to inspect and analyze. He was good looking, tall, and fit. He was an exceptional student, law-abiding and extremely involved in his civic duties. He was proper and good mannered and above all, a person of habit. Very predictable. But quite delectably so.

He was like a sturdy book with a very practical and detailed table of contents and with little errors. Clockwork, perfect, well-intended… but quite… persistent and… proselyte. But he compensated well in the department of looks. He was one of the few attractive males he had the chance to look at. It reminded him of Light Yagami in a way.

Just in a way.

...tbc...

* * *

Thanks to the people who read this... I barely have time to update, but I assure you, I always finish my stories. If I ever feel drained or have writer` s block... then, I will probably take a break, but let us hope it won`t happen.

Ummm… what do you think of Mikami in this story? It is my 1st time writing about him… so that`s why I`m asking. I did research for this chapter (just google and wikipedia _ha haa). My view might differ a lot from what other people might think! It`s a bit tricky writing him as a student ( I fear creating cheesy and completely au characters), but things will change soon!

Until next time,


	5. Invitation

**Disclaimer- read the author`s note**

**Announcement!- I wrote chapters in advance (they will be unbeta-ed for now) , they are quite short, but I`ll update faster. also, I seem to change my mind a lot lately and it seems that angst is quite difficult for me to write while I`m melting in here!**

**enjoy...**

* * *

**Invitation**

He shivered slightly as he got up and headed towards the windows again to see if his assumptions were correct. Just as predicted, Teru Mikami was on the track and field. Running. It won`t take long before he would head towards the bench. And so he did.

L`s mobile vibrated as he received a call from Watari.

' _Yes, everything is fine. Yes. I will check into it. Please, would you provide some more of those cream puffs from yesterday? Yes. They were delicious. Quite heavy on the cream as well. Just right. No, I see. I have something to ask of you. Look into data concerning a certain person for me. No, I don`t think he is related to the Kira case. No. Yes… His name is Mikami Teru, he`s a student here, class A, 3rd year, Law and Criminology major. Class representative, I think. Later, then.'_

All the while, he kept his eyes on what Mikami was doing. Changing his shirt and preparing to go running, but not before he raised his eyes and they engaged yet again in a session of heavy staring at each other. Mikami was again blushing uncontrollably and his gestures became more mechanical than usual. As usual he was the first to shy away from the persistent gaze of L. But L was nibbling on a finger and lurking confidently behind the tall windows. Mikami seemed to notice as the man gnawed a bit too hard at his finger and the blood trickled again, this time on the shirt.

What a pain.

.

The one named Mikami Teru stared in fascination at the stranger above with a worried look etched on his face. Whatever happened, his eyes were glued. He noticed the trickling and the staining of the other1s pristine white middle sleeved shirt. He also noticed the other`s intensity. But being the compulsive person he was he needed to draw his attention towards his wound. He dreaded the consequences of a possible infection on everyone.

He pointed to his own shirt then straight to L, who followed his gesture on himself and for a second stared as his own blood began pooling and trickling again. Of course, he would take care of himself. He gave a meaningful look to Mikami Teru and tore away from the windows, needing to attend to his bruise.

.

His dark hair combed neatly and glasses on his nose, Teru was in class two hours later. International law classes were quite important for a 3rd year like him except that his mind drove directly to that stranger. Again. This time the man stopped and mentally slapped himself as it was sure he didn`t focus at all on the lecture. The lecture ended and the students flooded the gates once again. Mikami was heading home.

As he made his way out, someone was yelling his name behind him. It was one of his colleagues. He remembered him. He was a pudgy guy attending half of his classes. He specialised in Revenue law and was quite good in his field.

' Hey Mikami-kun! Wait up!'

'What is it?'

' We`re having a party tonight. It`s my birthday. I wanted to invite you, if you`re available. ', he seemed rather impatient with his request, as if it was his last chance to speak up.

' Half of the class is coming. Even our Miss To-Oh.' At this, the guy smirked meaningfully at Teru, but the young man named Mikami brushed it off.

'Happy birthday! I didn`t know today was your birthday. I would come if that will give you pleasure!'

' Well, yeah, of course. We`re going into this bar, the drinks are on me, of course.' He handed Mikami the invitation. It contained his name and the address.

'Thank you for inviting me.' Said Mikami calmly.

'Please, be there!'

'I will see about that.'

'Actually, Mikami-kun, my birthday was last week, but as this is our last year as students here, I thought we should celebrate that as well…'

The guy blushed slightly and Mikami nodded and then he was gone.

.

It was almost midnight and the detective who followed Mikami Teru at his place upon L`s orders was getting quite bored. Then, the lights turned off and Mikami Teru exited and locked the door behind him. The man took pictures again and reported into a small report phone.

As Teru reached said bar, some of his colleagues waved at him. Some female counterparts were dancing unabashedly and some of the others were drinking. That was no problem for him. They were all adults. And they knew what they were doing, supposedly.

Dressed in his black fitting jeans and a black shirt, Mikami was quite a piece of eye-candy and several girls asked him to dance with them. He complied with their wishes but soon he grew tired of their attention.

.

The detective was as inconspicuous as possible, but it was difficult to follow Mikami as the crowd grew thicker and more agitated. He was at a loss of choice. He had to wait somewhere, and then he would stop to search for Mikami again to continue his observation.


	6. Reflection

**Disclaimer- read the a.n.**

**I am aware this is un-edited and short. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Reflection**

Mikami Teru wasn`t fond of alcohol. He rarely drank anything, except for occasions. He preferred keeping an eye on his female colleagues as one of them fell and hit her head in her drunken state. He reached to her and helped her out to her feet, only to be pushed aside as the dancers grew even wilder. He waved to her friend and they carried her to a booth and placed her safely on the sofa in there.

Mikami didn`t like this sort of parties, but he couldn`t leave just yet as he noticed the guy who invited him waving from the bar! He was with a few more others and some men he has never seen.

As he waved back, the other smiled. He could barely reach him and chat, when he was yanked by the shirt by a pretty girl who smiled cheekily at him.

'heey… a guy told me to hand you this! Don`t look so stiff. You`re here to party, right?'

The girl handed him a beer bottle and then left, leaving Mikami uncomfortable and speechless.

He could do nothing but smile awkwardly and head back to the bar with the drink in his hand. After a few minutes he grew bored and started sipping from it oblivious to his surroundings. Some girls were hitting on him, and Mikami was quite flooded from every direction. He chatted with them and flirted but suddenly a nauseating feeling crept upon him. He excused himself and made his way through the crowd. He felt dizzy and sleepy for a reason he couldn`t quite explain and headed towards the back exit to get some fresh air. He thought he would suffocate if he were to remain in that atmosphere for any longer. He even thought of calling a cab and just leave, but that wouldn`t feel right for the girls that were waiting for him.

.

The detective could see nothing of Teru Mikami. He could barely discern his surroundings. After awhile, he noticed him at the bar talking with some girls and sipping from a beer bottle. He then excused himself and was on his way out. He also noticed that his target was breaking into a cold sweat and was very pale. He had to get to him, but it was practically impossible with all those people undulating their hips and waving their bodies to the very loud music.

.

Teru thought he was falling asleep against his will when a pair of hands seized him and he could hear the voice of a stranger. He muttered something, but Teru could barely hear the voice. He didn`t like the rough way he was pulled up and pushed to a stationing car.

Then something hit him. A cold wave of realization was making him react despite the drowsiness that attacked his body. This wasn`t right. He wanted to break free, but the man pushed him harder into the car. He wanted to scream, but he was gagged. He flailed like a wild animal but to no avail. His body was having now a mind of its own, a dead mind. He convulsed but also couldn`t move even a finger. His desperation escalated at the thought of being raped. The feeling of being still conscious in the mind, but having no control of his body made him feel helpless. He knew what would happen. He wanted to act. But couldn`t. instead, he looked at his pale reflection in the smoked glass, as if there lied all the answers to his state of misery.

This was what hurt the most. Being aware, but unable to take action.

The man growled and slapped his face, hard.

Teru knew this wasn`t good. He wanted to move but his limbs were paralysed. Could it be…? Yes… it was exactly that. A rape drug had been slipped into his drink, of course. Difficult to detect and quite powerful. He was interrupted from his thoughts as another man came and shut the door, then Teru couldn`t keep his mind on track anymore and passed out.

tbc...

* * *

leave a comment and let me know if this is heading in the right direction!


	7. Failure

**-Stapled to the mattress-**

**Failure**

'I`ve lost him. Please report that. I`ve lost him.'

The man was breathing hurriedly in the receiver.

' He looked unwell and exited through the back door. Yes. I`ve checked with the women he was talking to. They said he would be back. I think he left. He`s nowhere to be seen. I`m going to check at his house. Yes, I will. Talk to you later!'

The detective was quite surprised as he continued searching that perimeter. Upon staring at the ground before him in frustration he noticed a half empty bottle of beer. He gripped it and sniffed. Nothing suspicious, but it looked exactly like the one Mikami was holding when he made his way out. He took it carefully to analyse its contents. In the fluttering lights of a neon he inspected the clarity of the substance. Nothing unusual. He put a drop in his mouth but could not detect anything.

It was weird, though.

He had to take this into the lab as soon as possible.

.

Mikami Teru was more than the reports said about him.

He was a very private person. His only relative, his mother, died a few years ago leaving Teru to fend for himself. Sources also confirmed that Teru was a very kind and responsible person. He helped his classmates a lot and prevented bullies from taking action. However, Teru himself has been subjected to being bullied and that changed him into a quite solitary person. He had no close friends. Only lots of acquaintances. He lived in the house his mother left for him and did everything by himself. He was a law abiding citizen and a very orderly person. Ever since his mother died, Teru Mikami has become very serious. As he was still a minor and couldn`t fend for himself, social services helped him into taking care of himself. However, Teru Mikami has lived alone ever since his mother passed away in an accident. He underwent psychological therapy and all the reports stated the same thing.

High intellect. Very reliable. Serious. Hard-working. Well developed social values. Likes school and is ambitious. Very competitive. Routine-prone. Developing obsessive-compulsive traits. Judges things in black and white.

The mobile beeped with urgency.

L flinched when he heard that day`s report. It sounded ominous and he already had an uncomfortable idea. Kidnapped and probably raped. It didn`t sound human. The prospect of what was happening now to Mikami Teru terrified him. He felt sick and he thought he would smash the cup of tea into the wall. He knew Mikami Teru from 2 days ago and he already had to be witness of some sort of tragedy involving the young man. He was angry in a way of his own. He could barely stop from trembling. Only the thought of someone he knew going through such vile attacks made him queasy.

L`s detective made everything that was possible to look for Teru. But they both knew it was happening too fast. There wasn`t even time enough to think a strategy. They had loose ends.

The morning came and L was still unblinkingly staring at Mikami Teru`s university file.

He didn`t deserve it. Just a few days ago he had been reading about homicide, perpetrators` behaviouristic studies and rape expertise, and now the very own thing he was learning to fight against and bring towards justice was happening to him.

L was concerned. He wasn`t even thinking about the Kira case anymore.

* * *

savorie,


	8. Shard

**-Stapled to the mattress-**

**Shard**

Teru woke up when a sharp pain started cursing through his spine. He could barely move as he opened his eyes to the light of dawn. He was fully clothed and abandoned on the road. He was covered in bruises. His face though, was untouched. As he tried to recall what happened, he noticed a rip into his black shirt and some buttons missing. Suddenly, he remembered as the pain lingered in a certain place between his legs.

It was no doubt. He knew what happened.

He was lying in shock on the pavement and heaved painfully as his insides protested.

He didn`t want to remember what happened to him. He felt filthy. Used. Defiled. Stripped of his innocence.

Worse than pain, there was nothing left to feel. He felt numbed inside. As if his brain had stopped transmitting sense into his nerves.

He, who had in mind to become a criminal prosecutor and stand up for the weak was now the abused one. He has betrayed them. He betrayed his ideals. He was now tainted. And… how could he fight against evil for others if he could barely fight for himself?

'How can I save anyone if I cannot save myself?'

He could do nothing… he couldn`t go to the police. No, not him. He felt too ashamed, too defiled to even write a report and give a declaration. I was raped. What else he could write. He didn`t remember nothing. He was unconscious during the whole thing. He had a massive blackout. There were bruises on his body, but no other trace of other physical evidence.

Of course, he knew. They must have been a gang of professionals. They flourished and made lots of money by serving sleeping beauties like him to rich men who were able to abase themselves into such a deeper vileness as rape.

He felt broken. And so ashamed.

I was the stupid one. What was I thinking?

It was his fault. If only… if only he didn`t drink at all. If only he didn`t go to that party. If only he didn`t break his habit of being in bed by midnight… if he stood like a good little boy in the house. Yes… it was his fault. And no… this wasn`t affecting his judgment. Of course… he knew enough psychology to detect the signs.

Mikami was in denial. He barely rose up and made uneasy steps towards his home. He didn`t need anything. He needed to get into his routine and he`ll be a good boy.

Yes, be a good boy… no one is bound to know.

And everything will be all right.

He headed into the subway and took the route to his neighbourhood. It was just 7 am and a weekend. Nobody would pay attention.

.

The detective was waiting.

Mikami Teru didn`t return home. L was making everything possible to bring those who hurt him to justice, but the evidence was scarce. They concluded that indeed, those who kidnapped him were professionals. More than sure, Mikami didn`t file charges.

L deduced as much. That would be like admitting he was a weakling to Teru.

And L was angry. Of course… this was a case that the police was still working up. They had little evidence except the bottles. And the type of the drug which was used. The mafia, probably. They were using innocents into distributing the harmful drinks and they were operating inconspicuously.

L was startled as the mobile beeped again. It was a message this time. They managed to place mics and cameras in Mikami`s house. Everywhere. Just as L instructed.

The message said everything that L had to know.

'He`s back. Turn on the computers. We`re recording.'

.

He could see a very tired Teru Mikami entering the house. Out of habit he muttered a listless I`m home.

His movements were robotic and strained. He suddenly fell to the floor clutching his stomach as he was obviously going to throw up. But he didn`t. Until he reached for the bathroom. Then he heaved everything he had.

He disrobed himself and took off his contacts, L noticed. He looked broken and beaten up as he fumbled for his thick rimmed glasses. As he zoomed the cameras from different perspectives, he could see the signs of slight torture on the pale skin of the young man.

Teru started to sob uncontrollably as he entered the shower. Despite the horrible things he went through, his routine helped him into entering a false state of normalcy.

L knew about that type of behaviour. There were different types of victims. It just seemed plausible for Teru to ignore everything, deny the truth and try recovering his routine, all the while his sanity was trampled upon.

He went through his jeans pockets fingering for his wallet. Unsurprisingly there were his money, credit cards, his id… and then he noticed it. A small envelope, containing money and a picture… his jaw dropped as he realized what it was.

His screams pierced L`s ears.

There, L could see through the camera, that Mikami was holding a picture of himself tied to a cross, bloodied and abused. And unconscious. And again… the bills. Money… as if he were some willing prostitute.

To L it was clearly the same modus operandi used by the mafia that cast terror before. But no fingerprints, nothing. They were clearly threatening and inducing their victims a behavioural self-blame.

Unwilling prostitutes.

Mikami felt sick. Sick to the core.

He felt tainted. Again. Everytime he looked at the picture, he felt the urge to commit suicide.

* * *

savorie,


	9. Savior

**-Stapled to the mattress-**

**Savior**

L was wondering whether he should stop watching, but he could not tear his eyes from the monitors.

Mikami burned everything, starting with his clothes and the money. The photograph was held for a few minutes and looked at, then engulfed by the flames.

Watari entered the surveillance room and placed a hand on L`s shoulder.

'He`s Mikami Teru from the university, right?'

L didn`t answer. Of course, the question was rhetorical. Watari was, after all, the one gathering information for L and assigning a detective to watch the man.

But they failed. They failed in protecting him.

'He`s already manifesting the post-traumatic syndrome, L.' the old man stated.

'He`s in the underground stage. He denies it. Burns evidence. Tries to forget. Blames himself and then he returns to his old habits. He shields himself and will immerse in his work and study just to keep his mind off things. But then… when he goes to bed his subconscious mind will kick at him and the nightmares will begin. He`ll become dissasociative and lacking in empathy. He`ll probably be strong enough to maintain that routine for long. He looks strong, but he`s not. You know the theories, L.'

"_Sexual victimization, unlike other crimes, involves not only victimization but also attitudes toward sex-role behavior and , attitudes toward traditional sex roles might influence … perceptions and attitudes about the crime of rape. **S**exual assault victims frequently experience negative and often longterm psychological and physical consequences following the event. Despite changes in public attitudes and legal reform, victims still face obstacles in coming forward to report crimes of sexual victimization. How society perceives sexual assault may lead people to make negative responses to victims disclosing these experiences. And the japanese society is quite traditional, Watari, therefore it`s more probable that Teru will not seek any kind of help."_

'yes, I know, L. But there has to be done something about this young man, or else he might become just another victim of his own denial and blaming. He needs _someone`s help_.'

L understood the undertone. Mikami needed his help. His. The one that entered abruptly into his privacy and habitual life.

.

Teru washed himself and scrubbed at his skin meticulously. The hot water burned at his skin, but he needed to feel it clean everything away. His obsessive habits were becoming more frequent. He felt pain at his torn entrance and checked it for himself. Of course… they used a condom. No evidence. He was grateful for that, at least. But he didn`t feel less filthy.

He checked himself in the mirror for a while and disinfected whatever was to disinfect. But it seemed they already did it for him. They drugged and raped him, cleaned him, dressed him and then dumped him.

L watched unflinching as everything unfolded in front of his eyes.

That feeling of pain made its way again through his heart. Of course, he wished he could do something. Comfort Teru in some way. But he couldn`t. Not again.

He had to bring them to justice and quickly.

.

Just as he stared at himself, Mikami started crying again. He was now searching the medicine cabinet for a pair of scissors. Of course, his hair was to be shed off. He wanted a new, untouched skin if that was possible, because he could feel the rotten breaths and dirty touches and infectious kisses and disgusting men crawling on him, biting him, drawing blood and defiling him all over again.

He cut it as best as he knew, reaching past the shoulders. He was a weakling. From now on he would become strong and never allow such things to happen. Not to him, not to anyone.

His stomach grumbled, upset. Teru combed through his hair settling him and then dried himself off, scrunching a bit too harsh his skin, because it became sore right afterwards. He headed to the kitchen and extracted a plate with leftovers from yesterday.

_Everything was going to be ok._

_Nothing happened._

It was just a nightmare and Teru wasn`t one to like the occult. Nor did he likes the astrology or other predictions about his destiny. If there was a God, then there things will be taken care of. Of course…

He placed them into the microwave and flicked the TV open.

_Normalcy_.

A quiet weekend at home, relaxing and preparing for another week of being busy.

_Being busy_. He liked that. It kept his mind off things he didn`t want in his life. Things he wanted to forget.

As he sat at the table, something on the TV caught his attention. He barely went through the first bite that he almost coughed from surprise.

'_kira strikes again. Criminals are dying. Today we report from Kanto region. We have breaking news! The Shinjuku mafia that was known to be linked to the recent rape cases that shook Tokyo have been found dead of heart attacks. _

_It seems that this branch of the mafia have been previously reported with rape crimes and prostitution.'_

Teru`s mind went blank for awhile. He could feel nothing but white noise coursing through him.

' _some victims reported that they have been heavily drugged after a night in the club and the raped. Most of them have been kept alive and released unconscious the day after in a low populated area. Along with their possessions they also found pictures of themselves during the rape and money. It is unsure whether the police_…'

Teru stared into the wall above the TV, not listening anymore.

Kira.

It was Kira.

There was a god.

He prayed it was just a dream.

But Kira granted him the wish. He erased everything. The men that hurt him, the vile criminals, were dead.

His stains were erased. He was given a new chance to become righteous and pure again. He had just to tame this body of his. To erase the wounds out of himself and he will feel worthy again.

God was gracious, He was kind.

And God was Kira.

Kira was God.

Now L and Watari too, were speechless. They couldn`t neglect the causality between what happened to Mikami and the new Kira incident.

.

Just as L ended his discussion with Watari, they heard it again… Teru Mikami was screaming again and heaving again those small bites he took of his food.

OCD again, he held it in and released the bile in the toilet bowl.

Watari`s face scrunched in concern.

'L, this young man is prone to become insane. He`s pushing himself too far. It`s not doing him any good.'

'I know, Watari. Contact the task force for me, please. We have urgent business to attend to. We need to check into this mafia case and add it to the Kira statistics.'

However, tomorrow was another day, and Teru managed to get out from his house again. He was all dressed in black, except for a white tie. It was unsettling as L observed him through the screen. On his face couldn`t be read any emotion. He was following the same routine, except for a slight increase in the frequency of showers. That was common around rape victims, and Mikami was a rape victim. He didn`t reach closure. He was just masking the whole thing.

L watched paying full attention to every detail. Teru was doing a very good job in numbing his own feelings. He was screaming on the inside, that he knew, but the outwards appearance was confident and unmarred.

Just pretence.

* * *

savorie,


	10. Epilogue

**Stapled to the matress**

An L x Mikami fic

Also... the end of STM.

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

**Epilogue**

Years have passed and the Note has undone many. There was no heaven and no hell; there was only one existence, trapped forever in the here and now. From his desk, Mikami Teru was watching his secretary arranging papers into folders and labeling them. He watched her with the eyes of a man who has absolutely no desire for anyone, be it man or woman. Work was all that was left for him. it was his own way.

The hands of the clock were dangerously reaching the closing hours, a time at which his secretary would be no longer there and Mikami had to think fast of a new schedule to follow and fill the gap. He couldn't, under any circumstance leave himself daydream or his thoughts would just drift to that moment and he would be even closer to insanity.

…

The gym was a good place to start his routine, as usual. Clad in black, he moved with the surety of a panther, yet there were no such predatory thoughts in Mikami's mind. If he had to count in his head every case he has won, he would do it, because everything was better than the voices reminding him of his loss. That was a long time ago. He was a different person now.

But… different how? A mocking voice made its way through his carefully preserved dams.

That… Mikami couldn't answer, because he knew better.

He didn't even analyze it. That would only bring pain.

But as he started lifting and his muscles protested under duress, Mikami allowed himself to drift back to those times. Brief as they were they represented everything he never actually had as a normal person. He had to become marred in order to have access to him.

Ryuga was different. And the circumstances that allowed them to meet, created a breach for Mikami to rise above, because otherwise he knew he would either fail at life or collapse into debauchery.

Right. He knew what he'd done. Yes, it's true, he used to sleep with him but that only lasted as long as Ryuga wanted. Did that manage to tear him away from his self imposed doom? Yes… it did.

He still remembers him, standing there in the library, watching him like an owl, then clenching his spindly fingers on his shoulder and staring at him with relentless force. The thoughts brought the sweet agony back, and Mikami panted as he lifted the weights again.

How many years have passed?

And where was now Ryuga?

Was he even real?

Did he ever exist?

He would never know… probably.

…

The routine was ever. Drenched in sweat was a better view to Mikami than wallowing in self-pity and curled in a pool of his own blood in the bathtub.

He stared hard at his reflection in the mirror. Even though they never debated, in between bouts of sex and heated foreplay they inadvertently shared something less carnal and more spiritual. He liked to think that. Unlike Ryuga, Mikami still splinted the world in between good and bad. There was nothing in between. Nothing.

…

However… there was only one question hanging in the air. Where did Ryuga go?

As there was good and evil in the world, there was a world with Ryuga colliding with one that deemed his absence clear evidence.

The only thing he left behind was a half-eaten lemon lollipop. It melted into the almond colored wood of Teru's nightstand and was still gleaming with the color of the fruit. He stares at it while trying to pay attention to the noises on theTV. Kira strikes again. He smiles at the thought of more criminals dying. But then he remembers that Ryuga hated anything that had to do with the cheesy Sakura TV's news. The screen mutes at the touch of a button.

Will it be all right if he leaves it there?

Maybe he comes back… he always does.

…

No… it's been years since then.

Mikami thought of throwing it away, but for some sick reason he put it in a jar and kept staring at it whenever. But not today, because Teru finds himself, after minutes of staring, with his mouth invaded by sweetness and drool.

Splayed on the bed, he finds himself unable to move, feeling weak again, feeling the chill crawling under his suit, undoing his tie, whispering in his ear a series of obscenities that could stir up even the senses of a saint and muting his mind. Reduced to zero, he likes to lie there, stapled to the mattress, not by fear… but by sheer complacency. After all, it still contained Ryuga's DNA.

††end††


End file.
